This is where I get to ramble...but for the first rambling...I promise not to go on for tooooo long :)
Yesterday was the 16th anniversary of the day we lost Dad. The day is still so very clear in my mind...there are times when I close my eyes and I'm right back there again in the hospital feeling so helpless that I couldn't stop what we all knew was happening.
There were bright spots in that brief hospital stay. Our Aunt and Uncle stopping by to keep us company while my sisters and I stood vigil beside Dad. My Mom and Aunt stopping by with our brother...but they couldn't stay. At the time, I couldn't comprehend why...but all these years later, I've come to understand that each of us can only do what our hearts allow us to. We're all very different people, and what seems essential to some...isn't to others, what seems possible to some...isn't to others.
My sisters and I didn't want him to be alone.
At the time it seemed essential that my husband bring our three children to see their grandfather, in hindsight, what was I thinking? I should have let them all have a happier memory of their grandfather instead of the one from the hospital. But there had been soooo many times over the years that I'd missed an opportunity to say goodbye to a loved one, that I wanted to make sure they had a chance to say goodbye. I'll never know if it was the right thing to do, but at the time it was the only thing I could do.
I will admit to badgering one of the nurses until she finally did say that it wouldn't be a good idea to leave the night before he died. She knew he was going to die, and in my heart, my sisters and I knew it too. I just wish for so many things to have happened differently. Water under the bridge as they say.
One only has the power to control their own actions...not the actions, words, or deeds of others. It took a long time for me to understand the reasons why it was my sisters and I who were at our Dad's bedside.
And as Monty Python used to say....and now for something completely different...
Tomorrow is pie baking day! So far, I only have requests for the following pies...Blueberry, Apple, Pecan, and Pumpkin (not a normal request...pumpkin...but we did bake the pumpkins that Phil grew in his garden, so they are ready to be baked into bread and a pie) Thank goodness no one asked for a Mincemeat pie! My Grandfather Purcell always said it wasn't Thanksgiving without a Mincemeat pie. Mom always had pie baking duty when we celebrated Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa's house...and the funny thing was that Grandpa only ate one slice out of that pie...and Uncle Bill had one too. I'm not sure whatever happened to the rest of the pie, we always left it there for them :) When our daughter was little she used to call it Mousemeat pie...LOL!...guaranteed NO ONE in our house ever asked me to bake one. :)
One of my favorite childhood pies is Cherry...but no one else in our house likes Cherry pie, so I'd have to eat the WHOLE pie...not a good idea...so I've been Cherry pie-less for years!
I used to change out recipes and bake a different one every year, but always baked an apple pie for the kidlets...but then they got older and each had a favorite pie, so eventually, I'd end up baking 4 to 5 different types of pie. One of the favorites for the last dozen or so years was my Sweet Potato Praline pie...the trick with this pie is to double the topping recipe and then be on guard to swat at the fingers that would be snitching bits and pieces of the praline topping off the pie as it cooled...the guilty party knows who they are.
Sooo...tomorrow I'll be using Mom's pie crust recipe...baking pies with Mom in Heaven wishing she were here. Life goes on and life changes constantly, but I surely wish I could go back in time and have my parents healthy and whole and here with their great-grandbabies. In my heart, I know they are watching from above, and know just how wonderful our grandbabies and children are...Family it's the glue!